


Sheldon Cooper's First Job

by themadlurker



Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: Bullying, Dialogue-Only, Gen, Humor, Mathematics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-29
Updated: 2009-08-29
Packaged: 2017-10-08 05:24:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/73139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themadlurker/pseuds/themadlurker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The beginning, and end, of Sheldon's career as a high-school math tutor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sheldon Cooper's First Job

As overheard by Missy Cooper:

"...obviously."

"Of course I know who you are. You tried to shove me into a trash can last Thursday."

"I disagree. Had Missy not been there, I might nevertheless have eluded you."

"Well, I don't know what you expect me to do about it."

"If you didn't understand it then, I don't know what you expect me to accomplish in the next 45 minutes."

"And my mother happens to be very strict about bed-times."

"I have no intention of coming in to school at 7 o'clock in the morning just because you failed to prepare adequately for this test."

"It's not a question of _my_ capabilities."

"And a highly qualified professional can teach dolphins to hit beach balls with their noses, but have you ever seen one doing algebra?"

"Oh, please, I wouldn't insult dolphins like that. _They're_ highly intelligent mammals."

"Fine, but you're paying me whether you pass or not. I refuse to expend the effort and then be penalized if trigonometry proves to be beyond your capabilities."

"'Triangle function thing-y' means absolutely nothing to me."

"Can you give me an example?"

"..."

"How are you even getting these numbers?"

"..."

"Wait, did you just say _sin_ x? What kind of an idiot confuses cot x with tan x?"

"Please tell me you did not just say that!"

"Do you even know what an inverse function _is_?"

"...oh, dear lord, did you say -f(x)? Oh my god."

"Of course it isn't! Haven't you ever heard of an odd function?"

"On what planet? Please tell me you at least know what odd and even _numbers_ are."

"..."

"How are you even managing to talk on the phone? Did you have to get someone else to push the buttons for you?"

"You know, I really don't see what good crying is going to do. Besides, isn't there some sort of social code that prevents people of your gender and social milieu from expressing emotion like this?"

"...hello? Hello? Well, that was a completely pointless exercise."

**Author's Note:**

> Sheldon made $50, but lost it again to a series of trash cans over the next two months.


End file.
